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The Mississipi Squirrel Revival

 

by Ray Stevens

 

Well when I was a kid I’d take a trip
Every summer down the Mississippi
To visit my granny in her ante bellum world
I’d run barefooted all day long
Climbing trees free as a song
One day I happened to catch myself a squirrel
I stuffed him down in an old shoebox
Punched a couple holes in the top
And when Sunday came
I snuck him into church
I was sittin way back in the very last pew
Showin him to my good buddy Hugh
When that squirrel got loose
And went totally berserk !

Well what happened next is hard to tell
Some thought it was heaven
Others thought it was hell
But the fact that something was among us
Was plain to see
As the choir sang I Surrender All
The squirrel ran up Harv Newlan’s coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said
“Somethin’s got a hold on me !”
YEOW

The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival
That broke out in revival
They were jumpin pews
And shouting Halelujah !

Well Harv hit the aisles dancin’ and screamin’
Some thought he had religion
Others thought he had a demon
Harv thought he had a weed-eater loose
In his fruit of the looms
He fell to his knees to plead and beg
And that squirrel ran out of his britchy leg
Unobserved to the other side of the room

All the way down to the Amen pew
Where sat Sister Bertha Better-Than-You
Who had been watching all the commotion
With sadistic glee
You should’ve seen the look in her eyes
When that squirrel jumped her garters
And crossed her thighs
And she jumped to her feet and said
“Lord have mercy on me !”
As the squirrel made laps inside her dress
She began to cry and then to confess
To sins that would make a sailor blush with shame

She told of gossip and church dissension
But the thing that got the most attention
Was when she talked about her love life
Then she started naming names !

The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival
That broke out in revival
They were jumpin pews
And shouting Halelujah !

Well seven deacons and the pastor got saved
And 25,000 dollars got raised
And 50 volunteered for missions
In the Congo on the spot
And even without an invitation
There were at least 500 rededications
And we all got rebaptized
Whether we needed it or not

Well you’ve heard the Bible stories I guess
Of how he parted the waters for Moses to pass
All the miracles God has brought to this ol’ world
But the one I’ll remember till my dying day
Is how he put that church back on the narrow way
With a half crazed Mississippi Squirrel

The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival
That broke out in revival
They were jumpin pews
And shouting Halelujah !

The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival
That broke out in revival
They were jumpin pews
And shouting Halelujah !

One Response to “The Mississipi Squirrel Revival”


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